• A neighbor is quite audibly sobbing. I wish the happy fairies would cheer her up or quiet her down, some of us would prefer to sleep 12:40 AM
  • Oh wait, that might not be sobbing afterall. Hey, keep it down Showoff! 12:42 AM
  • @thomasknoll the naked alarm clock! 1:32 AM #
  • @tapps OMG, how could I forget the ways in which that dude simultaneously rocked my world and tickled my funny bone… Awesome 6:40 AM #
  • warning, I might be enough of an asshole to send this to you 12:23 PM


  • The rain is my snoring lover this morning 6:44 AM
  • And then I missed the recycling truck for the third week in a row 6:50 AM
  • @warrenellis mornin 7:01 AM #
  • When every moment from every angle has been captured and indexed, will we still be moved to create and document? 7:22 AM
  • 24 the musical. Sort of like Rent, but instead of AIDS there would be tortured and dramatic songs about terrorists. 9:03 AM
  • @cc_chapman You mean you're not a wizard? Don't even tell me there's no Easter Bunny! 9:09 AM #

ha ha, catfish. I get it. Whatever.

Snow Day



  • @captaincrazy seems to think not wearing a bra would be a lot like taking a poo in the woods. 12:03 AM
  • Mosquito Overlords 12:24 AM

Mosquito Overlords

  • OMG country in the cab FTW 12:25 AM
  • kids on a bus > snakes on a plane 1:12 PM


  • What are the odds if my getting on the hour earlier @boltbus? 12:06 PM
  • @ChefMark that's what I'm hoping for, but the line is alarmingly long 12:09 PM #
  • @ChefMark I'm on the bus! Woohoo! Victory! 12:21 PM #
  • Baltimore-Bound 12:22 PM
  • @samtaters to put on a fancy dress and watch me some wedding 12:31 PM #
  • @samtaters Thanks! Wish me luck, I'm braving your buses right out of the bus station :) 12:35 PM #
  • postmortem porn–2/50386 12:49 PM
  • @joiseymike wedding tonight. Leave at 1 tomorrow. brunch at 11ish tomorrow? @samtaters @charmcitygavin 2:32 PM #
  • I wish my bus driver would get off his cell phone 2:37 PM
  • I always sort of forget Deleware exists. 2:40 PM
  • @TheSuicideKing holding it to his ear and all 2:47 PM #
  • I always thought Baltimore was on the ocean. My geographical ignorance is embarassing. 2:58 PM
  • Couldn't find bus stop. 1 shit food option at train station. BLT we are not off to a good start. 4:04 PM
  • If your hotel has chairs at the check-in desk you can expect it will be a wait 4:15 PM
  • Fuck out of town weddings if only for the "Oops, I really need a shawl or jacket with this dress" last minute crisis. #stuffedsausage 5:36 PM
  • @joiseymike down by the harbor… 7:37 PM #
  • @captaincrazy Do you know these people? 8:55 PM

@captaincrazy Do you know these people?


  • @IEatMousetraps I'm fairly convinced the best moms understand and indulge in the feetie pajama-ness 12:55 AM #
  • @JerseyTodd sounds sexy 12:04 PM #


  • when i lived in Jersey City I tried to convince folks it was just a short trip from the city too. After rush hour, Mars seems closer. 2:24 AM
  • Thanks to @theambershow for alerting to me that someone "sent me a flower" for "being a good mom" on facebook. such nonsense. 2:39 AM
  • A double dare doesn't count for anything these days 3:22 AM
  • I really wish my cat hadn't taken up apartment Parkour. 4:02 AM
  • not a cemetery, that would be the space in between my parent's house and the neighbors… 5:26 PM

not a cemetery, that would be the space in between my parent's house and the neighbors...

  • stalking dead strangers on, the plot thickens 6:16 PM
  • Relief, the dress still fits! 10:36 PM


  • Yep, I just got out of bed and ran to the deli due to the most acute Reeses craving I've ever experienced. I feel like a monster. 12:09 AM
  • @ChazFrench good, cuz I'm not sure I do too much at the moment :p 12:17 AM #
  • @ColleenCoplick hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, um, no 12:19 AM #
  • Wednesday: Cat tries to kill me again. Surely waking one up by kicking them in the throat while smothering isn't a sign of love 7:09 AM
  • So, the WTC will be referred to as WFC 7:39 PM

So, the WTC will be referred to as WFC

  • Making snarky nicknames in my head for strangers based only on their names while helping a friend make wedding place cards. 10:49 PM


  • Looks like the new Samsung touch screen phones implemented the "shapewriter" typing thingee. Dammit Apple, there's an app, just integrate it 1:44 PM
  • "the epicenter of the epicenter" 5:33 PM


  • one of these days i should probably learn how to properly hold and use silverware 1:20 PM
  • eggs benedict on ciabatta bread is brilliant in theory but stupid as hell in reality. 1:29 PM
  • @mtkr funny enough I ditched my toaster and microwave last month, didn't use 'em and could reach 'em up on top of the fridge. 1:51 PM #
  • I don't understand your art 1:59 PM

I don't understand your art

  • This explains a lot of disparities I've found on identical trips…class action lawsuit anyone? via @donohoe 2:21 PM
  • @ZaphodCamden I want details! 4:05 PM #
  • @ZaphodCamden Ha! Now I have "White Rabbit" stuck in my head. 4:28 PM #
  • "I tried to make him develop a stutter" says my friend about the man she is marrying this weekend. 5:32 PM
  • @mattgunn You sure it's not? A few thunders and lightenings here in Brooklyn. 8:59 PM #
  • @mattgunn that would be sort of hilarious actually 9:04 PM #


  • Not that I would endorse putting chips in people or anything, but it would make the sex offender app slightly more interesting 12:00 AM
  • Don't worry, I chalk a lot of your stupidity up to the contact high I get off your coats #coatcheck 12:26 AM
  • The night has officially begun with the first and possibly the most hilarious insult ever "nice fake ass wig" #coatcheck #allmine #niceweave 12:37 AM
  • #_ 12:46 AM
  • I'd faux marry for 6 months of travel via @GuyKawasaki: 1:30 AM
  • I believe I just witnessed some asinine girls get kicked out for dancing like idiots. #finally 1:56 AM
  • @captaincrazy pre-emptive remedy for the sure fight(s) stirred by their flailing shenanigans 2:10 AM #
  • Just watched a couple GO AT IT, like full on tonsil hockey. Out of nowhere girl punched him hard in the crotch. …and they're back at it… 2:22 AM
  • @lincolnwrites SRSLY, though I retired from those parties quite awhile ago 2:34 AM #
  • approx 1 hour til last call, about 4 more til bed is an option. Makes it a 25 hour day, 4 of which were spent bagging leaves in the Bronx. 3:01 AM
  • @BradFidler total cutter! 3:03 AM #
  • I'm not dancing that's just RLS. It's a "medical condition" dontcha know 3:20 AM
  • I call this part of the night "parking lot theatre" #coatcheck 4:17 AM
  • curtains for #coatcheck 5:52 AM
  • @ChazFrench my, you're up at the ass crack of dawn 7:18 AM #
  • @usermac Did you trademark yourself? 2:02 PM #
  • I'm browsing all your delicious food blogs looking for a recipe to try tonight 3:21 PM
  • Feeling particularly appreciative of blogs that have "recipe" categories or tags. 3:29 PM
  • @MarkDykeman hehe, random fact: all things related job hunting on my puter, folders/bookmarks are tagged "don't panic" or "don_t_panic" 3:33 PM #
  • I am hopeless, abandoned recipe ideas and am free-styling. Something with scallops, potatoes, bok choy according to what I wound up buying 4:46 PM
  • Hilarious 5:01 PM

  • step 1 (aka cooking without counter space) 6:31 PM

  • step 2 6:33 PM

  • @orchid8 Some sort of scallop, potato, bok choy combo?? And, I have a crush on your even when you don't make bolognese sauce ;) 6:37 PM #
  • step 3 – chop chop chop 6:42 PM

  • step 4 – prep done, wait for dinner guest to arrive 6:48 PM

  • Feel like I'm cooking with @captaincrazy and @orchid8, what a fitting way to spend the birthday of twitter 6:58 PM
  • Hey! I'm live on Ustream from my iPhone 7:29 PM

  • step 5 Bon Appetit 7:50 PM


  • @Thatcher rough night? everything looks better in the morning 12:06 AM #
  • I got too much sun yesterday. I'm setting out early today to do it all again. 7:34 AM
  • If you live in NYC and plan to leave the house, take notice, the alphabet soup is scrambled 9:05 AM

If you live in NYC and plan to leave the house, take notice, the alphabet soup is scrambled


Don’t mind the wizard behind the curtain

Don't mind the wizard behind the curtain


  • Tonight I made the mistake of calling my cat by the name she had before I adopted her. Oh Hai square 1. 1:43 AM
  • It is no coat or sweater warm out and everyone is all super smiley. Half expect to turn a corner and see a unicorn. 12:50 PM
  • Today's unicorn – "Cheeseburger in Paradise" blasting from the barbershop. 12:59 PM
  • @chriscavs even thug unicorns poo rainbows 1:01 PM #
  • I now understand webkinz  7:09 PM

  • I wonder if TED will ever post the Sarah Silverman talk 8:27 PM
  • You go washing your car at 10:20pm in the street  10:21 PM


  • When you think about it, velcro shoes were pretty damned revolutionary 10:42 AM
  • I'm not sure I buy that the ancient Egyptians threw the brain away during mummification "because they thought it was useless" 11:06 AM
  • I give myself 10 points for the use of the words religious and deviation in the same sentence 2:41 PM
  • In a school. Wow, the students look old and the teachers look young. 3:30 PM
  • I am here as a volunteer but something about lockers and classrooms has made me feel an undeniable inner angst 3:43 PM
  • In truth, I didn't spend a lot of time here 5:23 PM

In truth, I didn't spend a lot of time here

  • What is the unmistakable smell of school? I'm thinking a combo of floor wax, bleach, chalk, pencils. and that institutional punk hand soap 5:56 PM
  • @sarahcooley holy crap! You have 33 siblings? 5:58 PM #
  • @faboomama yes! rubber erasers! 5:59 PM #
  • I just bought an apple at the union square farmers market and cleaned it with spit and my shirt sleeve. May this not be my final post 6:10 PM
  • @foodphilosophy Ha! Yes punk handsoap for the little fidgets 6:13 PM #
  • A just overheard a woman threaten to fight her kid "in the street" 6:15 PM
  • @ZaphodCamden the unwashed hands that touched it before me scare me more 6:17 PM #
  • Trader Joes NYC – where perishables spoil while you wait on line. 6:47 PM
  • @dfrw what does the FR stand for? 6:50 PM #
  • Awesome, just caught a peak of a smoky subterranean card game in the sidewalk cellar under a deli 7:42 PM
  • @Pishba your house guests are welcome to come to BK anytime 9:40 PM #
  • @Pishba and her cupcakes! 9:47 PM #
  • @Pishba I would never! However, future houseguests should be on notice that Magnolia cupcakes are the price of entry :) 9:55 PM #
  • OMG I want a Tilt-A-Whirl–20100317 I wonder if my landlord would let me put it in the yard  9:58 PM

the sun was literally bursting through my shutters this morning



religious  symbolism accidental, a deviation of light


  • Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…Please don't let that be a mouse causing the cat's crazy raucus in the other room 12:52 AM
  • gunshot or blowout? 1:56 AM
  • Seeing the NYPD crime scene unit truck in front of a school is just a bit unnerving 12:48 PM
  • Blasted &!$@ing subway grates 2:46 PM

Blasted &!$@ing subway grates

  • No matter what evasive maneuvers I try there seems to be a screaming carriage headed in the same direction I am. #omgsilencio 3:22 PM
  • OMFG 24 "the terrorists just took out CTU". The edge of my seat does not forgive you. 8:32 PM
  • utterly adorable 9:29 PM
  • @banannie Ooooh enjoy it! 9:52 PM #
  • Dear fly I immobilized a few hours ago, I am sorry you survived, I really thought you met a peaceful end. P.S. REALLY sorry about the cat. 9:54 PM


A woman sees her husband of over 30 years from their yard walking up to the street they live on.  He's walked this route for over 15 years, most nights from the commuter bus that drops him off after work in the center of town.  “I guess I've never been out here at the right moment, when the trees are bare and I can see down the hill”.  She gushes about how cute he is and is completely distracted from the phone call she's on until he's out of sight and closer to the front door



I was on the phone with my Mom while she watched my Dad walking home.  I listened while she giggled, adoring his gait and totally loving every moment she could see him from her vantage point in the yard and then while she greeted him at the door.


That is love.  Epic, adorable, and something I will never take for granted.

It was really all a well executed plot to steal the other side of the bed



  • oh boy 12:55 AM
  • 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223 7:52 AM
  • Each time it thunders the cat stops purring and throws stink eye at the window. Take that weather. 8:10 AM
    thunder, hail, lightening…oh my 7:54 AM
  • @EdenSpodek Podcast suggestion: Hey Brooklyn by @theambershow 9:34 AM #
  • Likes watching hail bounce off my windowsills. Dislikes car alarms set off by hail. 10:24 AM
  • @usermac Ugh! They're useless. I don't know why they haven't been banned in favor of immobilizers, ones that page the owner's phone & lojack 10:32 AM #
  • RT @kosso North Divided By North East rules! 11:17 PM


The lion that is early March really messed up my hair. Thanks jerkass lion.


a not so subtle reminder that I have claws

a not so subtle reminder that I have claws


I have become obsessed with trying to climb walls. It's not going so well.

Watching the birds outside. Practicing the yoga breathing.

I Suck at Weddings

Weddings and I have a sordid history.  Sure, I've been at like a zillion, but I feel like such a total shit for the ones I've had to miss.


The first wedding I was asked to be in, but was not was my Uncle's.  I was probably 11 or 12 years old, my Father's brother was getting married and I was asked to be a bridesmaid.  I vaguely recall the details, but I recall going over the costs with my Mom.  My parents were saving to buy a house at the time and I was at that insecure adolescent age where the thought of having someone pick a dress for me was outright horrifying.  I don't recall the actual reason, either stated or unsaid, but I wore a peach dress and watched from the pews.


The first wedding I had to outright bail on was my friend Kathy's.  The wedding was planned from the desk next to mine for months.  I loved the romance of a Christmas-time wedding and oohed and aahed over the dress and the details.  The reception was at Riverside Church and oh how I wanted to see the bridesmaids wearing elf shoes in an amazing historic church, but an ankle or foot injury or some annoying clumsy move kept me from making the trek on crutches on the PATH and then the subway.  I managed to rack up a lot of co-pays at the hospital that year, and a cab would have been well over a hundred bucks and I was firmly on my back going over the steps of R.I.C.E. the weekend of the wedding.


I quit my job and uprooted my life in 2006.  One of my best friends was planning his wedding for that Spring and I doubted I could make it.  More complicated was that his wife-to-be wasn't too keen on me since we'd dated many years before, I didn't have a job and my attendance was contingent on raising the funds to fly back to NJ.  My parents went with a close friend and her Mom and they sent me camera phone photos and video.  My memories of that wedding include trying to walk off the grief over missing it and finally sitting in on the lawn of the hospital across the street from where I lived in the Mission in San Francisco weeping in the sunlight, cursing the time difference and the miles between my friends and family


I was only in San Francisco for 6 months, but I managed to miss three weddings.  I was living with my then boyfriend.  I'd gotten to know his family as well as I could between NY, Texas, and then from San Francisco, and I wondered if my not being that that wedding might have ultimately changed things.  I hadn't found a job and so I couldn't swing the airfare back to NYC.  I stayed alone in San Francisco with the cats that weekend feeling absolutely horrible while the person I thought was the love of my life was at the wedding of his only brother.  That was a low-point of self-confidence and self-worth to say the least.


Shortly after that another best childhood friend got married.  It was a small church wedding, but I was in California.  I was back in NJ by the reception which was a low-key barbeque at her parent's house, and I threw myself into it, running back to my house at the first sign of rain for a tent.  I promised her a proper bachelorette after her son was born, but sadly the marriage didn't last that long.


Yet another close childhood friend was married in Jamaica about a year after I returned from San Francisco.  I don't recall if a discussion was had, but I would have loved to have been there.  Once again I felt as though finances made taking part in the NY/Jamiaca celebrations impossible.


Last year my cousin asked me to be in her wedding.  I had to decline as I lost my job in June and sharing in the costs of a bridal shower/bachelorette party/dress/etc led me to write one of the most difficult emails I've had to send.  “Sorry, I can't purely for financial reasons, I hope you understand, but I am really happy for you and I love you…." was basically the gist.  Read, I'm your loser-ass cousin who can't be in your wedding because it's too expensive.


A few weeks later, yet again, another of my closest friends from childhood, one who I happened to be with the night she met her groom to be asked me to be in her wedding.  Another gutting conversation about how much I wish I could…but…couldn't.  The wedding is at the end of the month and if I have to walk back from Baltimore, I'll bring flats.  She's been one of the most generous and accommodating brides ever and yet again I can't help feeling like I'm the one holding the bouquet of the world's shittiest friend. 


Thank goodness these things aren't about me, they're about the couple celebrating THEIR love or I would feel like the biggest Love-Grinch of all time.  While I'm almost relieved most of my friends and immediate family are married, I hate feeling as though I missed some of the key moments in loved one's lives I'd love to be a part of, not a barrier to work around.  Maybe one day I'll be a proper adult, able to attend the many weddings of friends and family, either at the alter or not – even better if gay marriage is legalized, sanctioned and accepted in my lifetime…but for the time being my track record is that I just flat out suck at weddings.